An 'Annus Horibilis'?

I don't like to be over dramatic, but this year 2004, as it draws to a close, truely has been a very tough and hard slog for both me and my immediate family.

I've been through losing a job, ending temp roles, working through tough conditions which didn't earn me much and I really wasn't used to, unemployment, shifting time zones, a total shift of all reality in Canada where my life drastically took a cliff edge swing off to the violent left, spiritually I've been low - so low I couldn't sense or feel a damn thing anymore - I've had a car accident, also nearly had a far, FAR worse one (see yesterday's entry), I've been in so much debt and impossible financial strife that I truely didn't think I could carry on, I've had really and truely tough times within my marriage to Ken; basically it's been a sucky year.

The good has been worth it of course, but what I am trying to make you understand is that it's been very hard for me to get through this one. I am still struggling to get back to anything closely resembling financial stability (and right now I am still in the poop), and also trying to get back to being close with God. I am finding this hard with Ken being distant from the church a lot and also not reading Scripture with me.

I am just trying to deal with this, I know it's a testing time but in all honesty, I need the power and the authority of God back in my life again. I need His touch. I know I don't deserve it - at all. I am a disobediant child. But He doesn't judge me as He sees me white and pure, as Jesus is. I know it sounds 'religious' and all that, but really it's just me and Him - a relationship between Father and child. Lord and warrior. Master and willing servant. Friend and friend.

Spectrum shifting, colours gone;
The future is changing ...

More later.