The last day

Last days are always typically tricky. You never know quite what to say or do, or how you should be feeling, what others expect, etc.

This is no exception.

Dalkia have been good to me. At least to my face. I really don't know how I've been able to help them, and to what level. Considering what's been going on at home and in my personal life, as well as my fortunes on the road of late, I think I have gone above & beyond the call of duty, and honourably resigned when I knew there was no hope of things getting any better (whereas before this, I was willing to try).

So today, I am feeling rather sad and strange, also scared as well. I fear for if I am doing 'the right thing'. But what choice did I have? I am p*ssing people off here with all the issue ssurrounding me getting in; I can feel it. I don't want to be a jobber that gets under people's feet who they secretly wish would just leave.

There again - my resignation has also caused problems with cover at an extremily difficult time, company wise. But it really wasn't an option, the timing. My car packed in.

At the same time, I have been here since July 04. That's 7 months, by my watch. My contract with Robert Half said 6 max. So I have worked every second that I was contracted to work, and then some.

I still feel though that I wish I could do more. I am so sick of things getting in the way of me finding a real way to help people or to do whatever it is that I am really good at. I know that I am a thinker rather than a do-er. And I have certainly struggled to try to get my head around the workings of this place and the energy & technical world. But I reckon I've done a very professional job compared to almost any temp I've seen. Most pack anything in if it's hard after a couple of weeks, some days. Some hours. This has been terrifyingly tricky for me for months, now. I knew I should leave in september, I felt God telling me that things were going to get hard but I was stubborn and stayed on. I knew the role and I was comfortable. Now look at me :P

Father; you're so smart. Please show me the new door I know that you have ready for me now that I finally have been MADE to listen to you.