Prophetic Dream

I can't remember all the details ... there was a part where I was looking around a nice but very low house with some others, and also the Abus and other coaches were full of people of different sort of ages and groups (I noticed many of the faces were from Elim Keynsyham) coming to this car park where Eric Casto ended up preaching to a mass of people.

He was talking about his 'brother' Moses who was there and thanking others for caring for him.

I turned around knowing that Moses was near me. Moses was right near me and just told me to close my eyes and pray with him right now, so I did. Moses said this:

"There's lightning in you ... there's a lot of lightning in you."

At this point I reacted to being told this by opening my eyes and staring in shock. The words rung so true to me even though I didn't fully understand them.
Eventually things got back to being serious and i was told to close my eyes. I did so.

"You've never allowed the whip to touch you. You resist true dicipline. You are afraid of it."

I realised that in all my power stories, I always have mercy extended nine times out of ten. Justice is rare. Heavy judgement is rarer.

At that point in positioned myself so I could easily be struck by a whip and felt real fear. In the dream, there was an image of a black whip and it was very real, but I understood that the whip actually stood for something far more significant and far MORE real than any mere, physical whip.

I was not hit with the whip in the dream nor was I punished. The point seemed to be to get me to allign myself and surrender to this 'whip', this Fatherhood of God. I was made to realise in the dream that I always saw Fathers as these violent, fearful men who lashed out at me and who caused ME in turn to become full of fight, defence and close the door to being submissive in any way - even in a Godly way when it's required of anyone ... even yes, 'Masters'.

Earlier in the dream, some reasonably tough-ish females were giving me cr*p for a while and I was thinking through in the dream 'should I stay the good Christian lady or should I turn back to old me and let them have it'. There was a lot more going on and back and forth but in the end I slowly, carefully and cleverly (though with some fear that I couldn't remember how to do this stuff...) defeated her and her cronies. I spoke to them as I dealt with them and I was very much 'Masterful'. Perhaps God was showing me what's inside my heart somewhere, I do not know for sure.

I was ashamed of myself and my walls against The LORD. The ironic thing about all this is that over the past few years, thanks to God He's been really changing me, breaking pride and giving submission etc. But maybe it's skin deep...I don't know. Maybe I'm lying to myself on some things. Another prophetic prayer over me recently confirms this a little, since I was told that I am trying to control things in my marriage for example and trying to be the man and hold on, because at that stage Ken wasn't stepping up at ALL. I was too afraid to let go and let God and expect through faith, Ken to step up in The LORD.

I feel as though I've been close to God. I do not deserve it. I feel ministered to by a great man of God. I remember this 'Moses' guy's face, it was olive and round, almost chubby in fact, dark brown eyes and very eastern. I remember his short, black, curly hair which was frizzed out and grown through somewhat. I have no idea who this was or who he symbolised, if anyone.

There were all these physical items that I kept searching through and trying to make sense of. I never managed it. Apparently I was looking to the wrong things.
I just wanted to openly and honestly share my heart here.