What is worth living with?

I am so sick and tired of feeling bad and guilty and letting people down. My benchmark is that I do NOT DO THIS. My pride is that I will be there for you, exactly when you really need me.

I would rather be poor and made fun of, sitting at home on benefits or something crazy, or working locally in some dead end job, than going through any more days of sickness at a place where I need to be there every morning.

I need something that I can do flexibally, so that this run of bad luck or lesson-teaching-from-above, whatever you wanna' call it; maybe just physical weakess, as hard as that is to either accept or believe in, stops and never starts over again.

I need to be in Keynsham. I need to not have people let down, over worked or upset when I can't get in on a morning due to traffic, roadworks, sickness or poisoning/car breaking down. I mean, it's all happened to me in the last few months, every single thing which could go wrong, HAS gone wrong. And even if nobody is actually talking, I am still SICK OF IT.

Do you hear me? Sick of it! I just want something I can go to with pride and not feeling I have to make up for something I missed. Something I can get up and look forward to going into, and not feel guilty if I can't for some insane reason (and maybe work from home).