Pblog 9 - I look like a Bulbasaur!

30 weeks has arrived and I must say it all feels quite close to the end now, even though it's another ten weeks to my due date which is over two actual months. Somehow the number 30 makes it all very real, being aware that babies are born any time from 40 weeks (assuming they're not premature or very late).

The groin strain has certainly remained the biggest pest I've had to put up with since being pregnant, by a long shot. Self inflicted - what a numpty I was for running for that bus. Still, it's probably the nature of the job that I was doing until last week and may have happened anyway due to tissues softening.

I get a bit breathless when changing position after a few minutes of being in any given position, which again feels odd since I'm not at all used to being breathless in this sort of way. I can only imagine this is how people with severe weight issues must feel and it helps to gain some insight into that, being from the other end of the scale myself all of my life (having trouble maintaining a healthy weight).

Lying down or sitting seems to be more of a hassle than actually standing or being half-and-half (half laid, half sat). I think this is due to lung space available and also soreness around the hip region which is again due to the softened tissues in that area. It doesn't hurt but more feels like I've been for a long run and a bit sore. Like I've never used these muscles before ... it's very odd if you're not used to it.

I still don't notice my girl moving around much during the daytime and when I'm on the go. When I am quieter and still, or at night, that's when she is the easiest to sense and feel. She isn't always as wriggly as she has been, due to less space I suppose. That said, she is still giving it some in there!

My interest in all things God and Bible-related is still increasing and I am more sure than ever now of what God has called me to do. It's very scary and I know it is only because of Him that I will have any ability to serve in this way at all, but that's as it should be. Someone told me yesterday 'You just don't want your halo to slip, do you!' I laughed and reminded them that any halo I might have had, I ate many years ago. 'All have sinned & fall short of the glory of God' says the book of Romans and I am certainly no exception to that. In fact I join with St Paul in stating that if anything, I am among the most wretched and forgiven amongst the local church where I live and serve ... but she who has been forgiven much, loves much.

The only glory I have is the glorious light that comes from Christ in me! :D

I am continually amazed and ever so proud of all of our young people at Keynsham Elim, who attend the Ignite Youth Church there every Wednesday. It is a real honour to input into their lives and see God working through them as they step out and believe the things we've taught them. I want to carry on seeing them accelerate far past anything I have ever seen or will see in the things of God, because it's about Him and His house, not personal glory.

So back to me and this pregnancy. I continue to enjoy good health and wellbeing thanks to the promises I am believing as laid out in the book 'Supernatural Childbirth' by Jackie Mize (all promises taken from the Bible, of course). I am nobody special and God isn't blessing me or my body because of anything I've done or not done. It is simple, childlike faith in His Word and then choosing to believe that and stand on it rather than look to the circumstances or to what the world tells me to expect as a pregnant woman. I may not be doing this perfectly, in fact I'm sure I'm not, but it's bearing real fruit and real results are happening. The only area which I would like to change for the better really is joint stuff, as Husbands should really be as involved in the spiritual side as their Wives are. I think that praying and believing for things together is far more effective and powerful!

More later as I get fatter (I expect) and wiser (well...maybe). Stay awesome! :D

Pblog 8: Third trimester and why I don't hurt

At 28 weeks this last Monday gone, it feels both like a long time coming and also in a strange, converse sense ... all quite quick. Following the stories of other pregnant ladies around me seems even quicker, to me they seem to be racing through their weeks faster than I am (which obviously isn't happening). It's an odd situation that doesn't make sense but is very real.

The best part of seeing the Midwife at 28 weeks was, for me, being told exactly where my baby was laying. She is now head down, with her arms and legs facing to the left side of my body, her back to my right side and her butt up in my navel area. There is plenty of movement going on in there still, which varies quite a lot although in the evenings I am assured of plenty of wriggling. I can see the stomach skin moving when she moves, on occasion. I only notice her there when I am sitting or laying still, the rest of the time to be honest ... I go about my business and work without really feeling her. I do have quite a small bump though, and an easy pregnancy. On to that ...

The stuff I am reading generally isn't happening to me. I haven't had any back ache or braxton hicks contractions that I've been able to feel. The only real thing I've had is softened tissue in the pelvic region which has meant moving around in bed can ache or be stiff. To be fair though, I haven't done anything to prevent this such as stretching and I made it hurt when I ran for a bus and pulled my groin. The side where I pulled the tissues - the left - is where it now aches on and off, so I think it's mostly self inflicted.

I should be swimming, stretching etc but I am not doing any of those things. One, because I am working still and two, the local pool sucks to boring high heaven and I can't be bothered to go down there and float around not knowing what to do in a square pool with no friends and nothing to do except lanes.

In short, even though mentally this has been the toughest time of my life for a long time (and not because of the pregnancy), physically the whole thing has been easy and a dream. Everything I chose to believe in and for at the start has happened. The book that I read, Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize, has proven a real support and to be honest I haven't really been even following it along, re reading or doing stuff together as a pair with my Husband. So God has really blessed me and stood in the gap for me at every stage of the way so far. Therefore ... why should He stop now? I fully expect everything I have believed for, because it's part of what was won for me by Jesus on the cross. So why not have it? What have I got to lose? Nothing good, that's for sure.

In other matters, though I am still hardly touching it, chicken no longer appears to make me feel foul (joke). Only pesto still has the effect of making me want to hurl, my taste buds seem to have undergone chemical changes to this effect.

I'm not really craving anything - I just find that I like food a lot and tend to eat much of it with regular grazing. Trying to keep this healthy has been hard but I have done all right by my standards. Another thing worth mentioning is that having my blood taken this time was much easier than the last - it took about an eighth of the time and my arm hasn't go purple!

That's all for now, I have another midwife in three weeks time!

Fo those who don't have Facebook...

I know, I know. Who doesn't? Well, a few of my very close friends don't and do not wish to. So I'll reactivate this place for the benefit of those who don't have Facebook. Please respect.

30 soon ...

Yes, that's right. Soon I'll be 30. I haven't used this blog in a while because I'm now on Facebook (check it out and add me if you like, I am Kim Kaze on there).

There I'll explain what my 20s have held for me and what I see in the future for a child of the 80s, living through her 30s, in the .... 10s? What are we going to call 2010-2020, exactly? Weird.

So, watch not only this space but Facebook.

Every FRIDAY - Keynsham has a local paper again!

Yes you heard that right ... Keynsham (and Saltford) now has a brand new local rag, just for themselves. Totally local to Keynsham & Saltford, it is 50p where sold in all local newsagents and the like.

Using high quality paper more so than the free, nasty one that comes around stuffed full of Bristol window & sofa ads, the local paper does have adverts but they are all or mostly from local firms, and there are actually articles in the paper. Not just adverts with the odd article in there.

And I wrote one of them this week, so get down to Churches and buy a copy! Support your local rag and your local writers!

The paper is featuring local classifieds, contests, arts and culture etc. It will also have births, deaths and marriages, along with local sports (Keynsham Town girls team were on the back page last week) and any big news that's going on (like with Cadburys).If you don't live in Keynsham and this means nothing to you, fair enough. If you're passing through though, buy a copy anyway!

NB: Years ago, Keynsham used to have it's own paper. It folded (pardon the pun) through lack of readership support. Let's all make sure that this time, we use it and don't lose it.

Sony Ericsson Wii themes!

http://www.denofwii.com/2008/01/more_wii_themes_for_sony_erics.html

Get the little, white box of joy on your Sony phones for the New Year!

Get into the Den

Check out my entry on Facebook for a full breakdown of what this year has held for me (search Facebook for Kim Kaze and add me if you haven't already, lovies!).

www.DenOfWii.com is still the place to go and leave your Wii-related comments. We're taking new writers on who are looking for a place to express quality views (however against the grain) on Wii gaming, so drop me a line if you'd like to become a contributor.

Currently, we're talking about 'is the Wii mature enough?', Link's Crossbow Training and the Wii selling out across Christmas - planned, do you think? Let us know.

Girl gamers - I still want to hear from you. Your views are not aired nearly enough, so let's get them out there. I can't be the only girl gamer who has a view on gaming that somewhat differs from my male friends.

www.DenOfWii.com <- Hit us up and tell us what's on your mind!
Love or hate the Wii? I wanna' know, bro.

I just wanna' say ...

How often do we listen to something that makes us feel ...

Like we don't agree.
Like we need to sort something out.
Like something may need to change.
Like our worldview needs a new porthole carved in it?

If we're honest? Probably not too much.

I think everyone should be free to make their own desicion about what they believe about anything. But that doesn't mean I agree with therefore quashing what we consider to be old, boring or not true for us. Trouble is, we knee jerk a lot and I think we also throw the baby out with the proverbial bathwater.

I don't often talk much about my own personal life, especially on a blog like this (because hey - everybody can see it). I could lose friends, upset someone etc. I might even get hate mail.

But if my own life is a lie, then I guess hate can't make that worse. As it happens, I don't think my life is all a lie. I think it's as valid as anyone else's, and the same vice versa.

What I want to say right now is that simply, I've been healed in my life. By that I mean that stuff that was wrong with me, that couldn't be medically cured or taken away and wasn't being treated at all, was spontaneously removed in a tiny window of time in a specific situation where I stepped up and tried something - and it worked.

The details are not so interesting really - there are levels to how much I can prove it after all. But you got to ask yourself, why would I knowingly lie about it and build my life around it? That's a pretty serious accusation to level at anyone, especially a friend or someone you've worked with.

In short, I have been sick and unhappy most of my life due to something that finally in 2001 was diagnosed by a Harley St Doctor and also my home Doctor in Bristol. They agreed and diagnosed M.E/CFS or a similar condition (that's a Doctor's out for 'there's stuff about your condition we don't even understand').

I have also had serious issues with my monthly cycle and female internals. Both on seperate occasions were removed within the space of about a minute, have never troubled me since, and took place without anyone laying a single hand on me.

All I did was I called God for who the Bible says He is, who He claims to be. The most high God, the awesome creator of everything we're living in and enjoying today, our Father and our friend, our Lord and the only one who was able to forgive us for all the bad stuff we've done, because only He was perfect Himself. When I did this and stuck my fist into the air, dared to believe and trust in this God, He healed me head to toe.

I felt this warmth running through my body. It was like watery electrical energy and supernatural. It only happened when I tried God, nothing else worked. I tried personal will power, mind over matter, religion, chi, martial arts, etc. Only this God healed me. Twice. The second occasion, an older man was in this place I was at and he spoke out and said 'there's someone here, a woman - and right now God is healing your womb area'. That was when it happened for that second time, and again nobody touched me.

I just wanted to share that, because I don't actually think that many people know this about me. They don't know that aged early 20s, I found out that my entire life was going to be over, that not only would I probably never be able to have children but I wouldn't be able to work. I lost a high flying, central London radio station position and went home to Bristol facing a life on benefits, childless and unable to support myself.

In July 2001, a rebellious natured young person that some call Kim Kaze stuck her fist into the air. In a tent filled with 400-500 young people, she stood alone to one side and kicked back her chair. She started calling out to God and claiming that His promises in the Bible, if He was really true and really God, were for her like He promised in there.

And she was healed. Made well. Not only that, but she matured. She has grown. Now she has a Husband, a house and a car, more than one job, a church community who love and encourage her, friends from all walks of life who are there for her and she has a passionate love for Jesus, what He's done in her life and the massive, all out, full on LOVE that He's put inside of her previously viscious, hard heart.

Jesus has given me LIFE, and life in all its fullness. He's left absolutely nothing out - I love my life and not because I am arrogant, but because I can't stop being amazed by the lives that God touches through even this tiny, little speck of reality that is the one they call ...

Kim Kaze. A Destron saved by grace, and what an amazing grace! :)

Thanks for listening to my heart.

I pray that something of the God who hugs and holds me touches you and brings peace, joy, love and knowledge of certain forgiveness into your life. If you know you need to know that your past is forgiven, drop me a line if you want, sometime.

Still

I still don't want to go
Yet I know
That I must go.

No matter that it snows
The wind blows
My will is shot.

Though the road forever climbs
Local chimes
Are far behind now.

Only fumes
My breath consumes
Death of a dream
I work now.